Who Knew || Self Para

Kiara was never enough for anyone. 

She’d learned that when she was little, and still it didn’t stick like it should. She still thought she could be enough for people. Like they would tolerate her attitude, understand the things that she’d been through without her telling them, like people would continue catering to her, continue giving into her every whim… She would continue to be her bitchy self, only caring about those that actually meant something to her and ignoring or snapping the heads off (literally or figuratively) of the people that she didn’t care about. 

She’d stand tall and fight for everyone she cared for. She was always ferociously loyal to a fault… But that wasn’t enough. 

It hadn’t been enough for her own brother, and it wasn’t enough for Kai.

Kai. 

The one person that meant the entire world to Kiara. The one person she would have been willing to change for had he asked, the one person that would never have asked… He should have asked. If he had, she would, and all this would have been avoided. She wouldn’t have had to hear from Jon that he’d seen Kai out with whatsherface. She wouldn’t have had to get nosey, she wouldn’t have had to seen it for herself. The heavily tattooed woman being all over her fiance as if there was nothing else int he world that mattered, and Kai returning the affection as if Kiara didn’t exist…

That wasn’t a big surprise though, she was replacable. She always had been. 

Kiara had been laying on the couch when Kai climbed up the stairs of the bus to see if she wanted to go out that night. She’d been laying on the couch when he left too. The fight had been one of the laziest she’d ever had. Maybe that was because she was still in a state of shock or depression? Maybe still, it was actually because she’d numbed herself to the point that she… Didn’t care? She’d told him what she’d seen, and he hadn’t tried to deny it. “It’s time for you to leave, Kai.” Kiara had said plainly after a few moments of lazy arguing over whether the man had ever really loved her or not. 

Now that he was gone though, the tears stung. Her eyelids were brimming with the salty liquid that she never wanted to let go. That was a sign of weakness in Kiara’s eyes and she didn’t want to be weak. Kai was just a man. He was gone. That was all that she needed to care about. She didn’t need to be laying there where everyone that came and went on the bus could potentially find her and see her crying – no, she wasn’t crying. Wiping her eyes, Kiara finally sat up. The rush to her head made her realize that she had been laying there, staring at the ceiling for several hours and she was amazed that no one had come by. Maybe they had and she didn’t care enough to notice? 

Whether they had or hadn’t, she was almost grateful that they weren’t there now. She was glad to be alone while she looked and felt so vulnerable. Vulnerability wasn’t something that Kiara did well and she didn’t like to look like she needed anyone. But she could probably have used a hug right then and there, whether she would admit it or not.

Kiara pulled herself to her feet reluctantly and hurried to make herself presentable, piling on the makeup and pulling on her best outfit she could find before walking off the bus so she could drown her feelings in a pint or two down at the Dal. Maybe if she felt up to it, she would even work the bar for the old man for a little while. She just needed to drown these emotions that she was feeling, she needed to get away. 

She needed to be needed again. 

Maybe she would stop by and see a friend - any of the few that were really friends - later and get that hug. But for the time being the bottom of a bottle was her only goal as far as comforting herself went and she was okay with that.

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew